Dream a Little Dream of Me

I think I have a motivation problem. For some reason I cannot find the motivation to succeed at certain jobs. I love having a job, but certain jobs I've had serious issues finding the motivation to do beyond the realm of my job. With CAB, I enjoyed it and all, but the motivation to go above and beyond was lacking. Pretty much every job except Crew Leading and Res Life have been the same. So that makes me wonder if I refuse to be motivated or if it is a problem. I love working at the company I'm with right now. Parts of my job, though, I think are absolutely ridiculous. I'd never do this full time. After this year, I will never be a full time House Manager like I currently am. I'm an actor, not a glorified janitor. I enjoy the office support side... but I barely do that because I'm so wrapped up in a part of my job that was added last minute when I was hired. Finding merchandise to sell at shows is not something I find ideal, either. I think it's overkill, especially when it comes to things you knowingly will buy for a lot cheaper online or in stores. I am just not motivated, and that's a problem. I want to be motivated. I really, really do. I like having this job. I think I'm still dealing with the shock of not being in school. I don't think I'm dealing with it too well, haha. Going away these past two weekends has really made me reevaluate my entire life and where I want to be in the next six months. You should know, I write about it all the damn time, haha.

The main thing about my job now that bothers me is the lack of focus. I'm okay with going to help production from time to time painting and constructing. But my job, the job for which I was hired, has a lack of focus. I'm given several projects to do at once, and none of it has to do with anything else. I'm given responsibilities, but then I'm micromanaged or babysat the whole time when I'm capable of being in control of some things on my own. This is why I want to go back to school for a Masters in Higher Education. I liked the way I was treated as an RA, an FDA and an Orientation Leader. I love student affairs, and it's the job that I want. Career-wise, though, I belong on stage. I want to mix those two things together in my life. I must say that I love my job, I love the people and I love being here again. I'm not ungrateful for this job. I could be working retail still, living at home. I just need focus. I'm too ADD to not have focus.

I need New York. That's what I need.