Till the World Ends

Today I have decided to get my life back together. It seemed to veer off track these past two weeks with being careless with my money, driving to visit friends out of town (wasting a LOT of gas) and not exercising. I need to get back into a routine that is healthy. So today! Today is the day I take my life back into my own hands. I revisited my budget for April. This means I actually redid my budget for April. I'm coming out with not a lot of money after bills are paid, but I have money set aside for New York and for my savings account. I'm going to be strict with myself and my purchases. This probably means no going out as much as I'd like until my income from Hello, Dolly! starts rolling in. This definitely means after KDR and ASA Formals this weekend, no big trips until New York to find an apartment. This absolutely means no frivolous purchases with my own money (luckily I turned in some rewards points for an Amazon gift card to get the Britney CD and the new Warblers from GLEE CD). This means mapping out when I drive to rehearsal so I can save on gas as much as possible. So from now until I go to New York, I'm going to take my life back and do a daily Twitter update with what my way of taking my life back will be. I'll post them in my blog weekly. Today's, just to kick things off, is:

Day #1: No McDonald's before/after rehearsal

Instead of awful fast food, I need to think about what I'm eating. I chose Subway over Taco Bell and McDonald's today. I already feel a lot better. It also helps that I took my vitamin after a few weeks without it, but that's for tomorrow's update. I want to be specific as possible with what I do, so we'll see how this goes! :)

Have a Little Faith in Me

I was going to write about my emotional roller coaster weekend. Instead, I'll just focus on this past week (including the weekend) without all the same mumbo jumbo I always write. This blog is about three days in the making by the way haha

Harrisonburg was a blast. Friday through Sunday this time instead of one night. Lots of debauchery and blurry memories. Yeah, it was a typical night in the 'burg with Tyler and company. Right after this whirlwind trip, I drove right into Fredericksburg for rehearsal! I'm finally doing a PAYING show. It's magnificent. It's not the best money in the world, but hey. It's a paying show. Finally. I'm in the ensemble, which is totally okay since there's a lot of dancing, and Sally Struthers is Dolly. Hilarious. I'm stoked.

The only problem is this week has been exhausting. I haven't been sleeping too well. I haven't been eating well at all. I've missed the gym because I'm just so damn tired all the time. I went out last night, had a blast, but I'm paying for it. So sleepy! I'm getting ready to go down to CNU to see GloZell tonight, and I work until late tomorrow... and I have rehearsal Sunday night. So there's no sleep to be had this week. Hopefully I can catch up with the gym though?

Here's a new segment I'm calling RVA to NYC!

So so far I've saved $400 specifically for NYC. That's... half one month's rent haha. I hope to have at least $1000 when I move up with more money coming as I get a job up there until school starts. Ashleigh already agreed to help out most of our finances for a few months until we get settled. Pretty much as soon as Hello, Dolly! ends, we'll be making the leap! It's going to be amazing. I can't wait!

Blackbird

Being in my parents' house gives me insomnia.

Kurt: Why did you pick me to sing that song with?

Blaine: Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, "Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever."Watching you do "Blackbird:" this week... that was the moment for me about you. You move me, Kurt, and this duet would be an excuse to spend more time with you.

Thanks Glee for continuing to throw it in my face how single and hopeless I am when it comes to my own love life, haha. If you didn't see the "Original Songs" episode of Glee... you missed an amazing moment for Klaine fans (Kurt and Blaine). They finally got together. Fox even allowed two men to kiss! Shocking! Anyways, Ashleigh and I continued to pine away for Blaine (even though more recently I've been pining after Brittany and Santana). It makes me feel utterly hopeless. Here I am, ogling over some fictional character whose actor is straight in real life. I guess I should be ogling over the writers because Blaine's words were beautiful. Side note, Kurt's dad's speech the other week was brilliant as well. I wish my father gave me the sex talk that way. Anyways, Blaine. Men like him may exist, but 90% of them are fictional characters.

All of this reminds me of something my mom asked me recently. She asked me how I was doing. Vague questions get vague answers. I told her I was fine, just really busy with work and stressed about life as usual. Then she asked me if I liked anyone. I haven't been asked that by her since high school. I told her my typical cop out answer. "I'm too busy for a relationship." Then what she said next really broke my heart. "I just worry about you. I don't want you to be alone. I want someone to take care of you." That was probably the most amazing thing she has ever said to me. Now it's not advice she gave me or anything, but it was so thought provoking for one thing. It also showed that she does think about me in the ways I choose to ignore publicly. She knows I'm alone and have been for a long time. It really made me think about my life and everything. I'm at the point in my life, though, where I don't know what I want. I know I've put myself last for years, and I'm finally to the point where I just need to do what is best for me. Hence why I auditioned for Hello, Dolly! in Fredericksburg. I'm moving to New York in four months, so starting a relationship in Virginia would be pointless (I can't deal with long distance). I just don't know. I need to start over in New York. This is such a tough thing for me to deal with since I've spent so much time ignoring the issue. My mom is worried about me finding someone. That speaks so loudly to me. My dad could care less, as long as I'm in a job he thinks is worthy of his praise. Fuck him. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyways, again I know I discuss this a lot. It's such a prevalent issue, though. Okay I guess I should try to sleep. Whoo hoo.

EDIT:

So sleep obviously isn't happening, so I'm rereading blog entries from last year. Turns out my mom asked me the same question and posed the same worry last June when I was still living at CNU for the summer. Hmm, maybe that's telling me something huge...