Were the World Mine

There's this silly little homo movie called "Were the World Mine." It's based around the play "A Midsummer Night's Dream" by the Bard. They do the play in the movie, and the lead character (Timothy) also takes the part of Punk into his reality. He's a queer kid who makes the straights fall in love, including the star rugby player for whom he has eyes. It's a silly musical romantic comedy, hence why I'm watching it, three glasses of wine deep into the movie.

I may be a little tipsy, but this movie, embarrassingly enough, really speaks to me. I think it's mostly due to the Shakespeare aspect, but anyways... they repeatedly play with the theme of love and falling in love. Timothy asks his friend Frankie (a female, haha) this simple yet highly complex question:

If you could make someone love you... would you?

Well? I think it's a question we ask ourselves all the time, whether you want to admit it or not. When you have feelings for someone, of course you want them to feel the same way. If you've never read/seen Shakespeare's play, the specific part the movie focuses on is the fairy Puck and his flower that spews Cupid's Love Juice. When Puck sprays a mortal with the potion, they fall in love with the first creature they see. This is why we ask ourselves that bold question above. If you could make someone love you, would you? It's complicated. What happens when free will is null and void for our own personal gain? I think about this every time I watch this movie. Of course I want someone to love me. Hell, I'd even go as far to make someone through magic. But I realize in the end, especially because of this movie/the Shakespeare play, that you can't force these things to happen, and you can't sit there screaming internally at someone to get them to love you. *SPOILERS from here on out* I would love it if this movie ended with Timothy ending up alone, dealing with his loneliness and not trying to force a hot rugby player to love him. Instead... the rugby player has loved him all along. They end up happy (as happy as high schoolers can be), and I end up completely in shambles. When I first saw this movie, I remember being completely let down when the hot rugby guy went up and kissed Timothy. I wanted a bitter ending. Of course, it wasn't bitter but sweet instead. I just spent two hours and three glasses of wine singing and crying. I'm such an idiot for letting this get to me. Such an idiot. For years, I've talked with my best friend Jackie about my love life versus her love life. She's always just said I'm young... I'll find someone... while she's dated someone every time I go through this break down. I'm almost 23, I don't feel like I have anything to show for being 23. I'm so let down with myself. The only relationship I had was when I was 15-17, and it was hell. It was too advanced for someone my age (i.e. significant other had too many drug problems with which for me to deal).

I always compare myself to Charlie Brown and Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower. It just dawned on me that Charlie is just CB in high school. Wow. Why have I never made that connection before? And it's all a fictionalized representation of my life to which I have attributed. I find solace in comparing myself to fictional characters. So far, my collection is:

- Mark from Rent

- Charlie Brown

- Charlie from Perks

- Michael from Queer as Folk

- I was Jane from Sweetest Thing but I've been promoted to Christina

Okay this is by far the stupidest entry I've ever submitted. I'm sorry for giving you a reason to never be my friend again, haha. I've always felt alone, and I feel the most alone when there are a bunch of people surrounding me, strangely enough. Cliche enough, too haha. Okay I should go. This is the wine talking... and by "wine" I mean me. I'm so dumb, no wonder I'm single.