Linus and Lucy

I had an entry started about me going to New York. Well I don't want to write about that anymore, but just know that I'm going to AMDA in NYC in October. I'm peeing myself with excitement.

What I do want to write about, though, is Charlie Brown. Why, you ask? Well, you obviously don't know me. Saying I love Charlie Brown is an understatement. I'm obsessed. Hell, I have related to Charlie Brown since I was his age. I have seen A Charlie Brown Christmas every since Christmas since I was born many times a year. I have three stuffed Snoopys, a Charlie Brown that shivers and plays "Linus and Lucy," a place mat on my desk, a Snoopy flag on my wall, a Lucy and Charlie Brown salt and pepper shaker set, and a lot more. I'm clearly insane with love for the Peanuts gang. Obsessed. My first tattoo is going to be Snoopy with Woodstock hovering over him (I was going to get Charlie Brown, but I figured since I am Charlie Brown it'd be nice to have my best friend looking over me). So yeah I know a thing or two about Chuck and the gang.

Well, last night I went to see Firehouse Theatre Project's production of Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead by Bert V. Royal (Easy A). Without giving anything away, this play asks what would happen if our favorite characters were taken from the pages of the newspaper and put into high school? How would these characters deal with real world problems such as bullying and personal identity? Charlie Brown is now CB, a young man dealing with the death of his beloved dog. All of his friends have grown into different clicks (Linus is stoner Van, Lucy is Van's Sister locked up for burning the Little Read Haired Girl's hair off, Marcy and Patty are Mean Girl versions of themselves, Pig Pen is germiphobe and homophobic Matt, and Schroder is outcasted Beethoven).

I went into this production knowing I was going to love it. My friend/co-worker Bryan plays Beethoven, and he's been raving about it for months. Since it has something to do with Charlie Brown, of course I'm going to go in loving it. It was really great to see how these actors connected their characters with characteristics of their comic strip selves while developing them further than print. Each scene fit nicely into a comic strip-esque feel, and nothing felt forced. These characters seemed real while reminding us of their Peanuts past. I found myself laughing at the subtle hints to their past while growing into or searching for their new identities. I found myself crying through CB's struggles with himself and his friends. I found myself sobbing when CB finally got a letter back from his pen pal. I was so touched by this show in so many ways. The show itself was just fantastic, touching and driving. When CB is talking to Van's Sister, he says something about how he wanted to do something, so he did it with no apologizes. Lucy can finally see that CB has broken out of himself and finally become a complex person. I think my love for Charlie Brown really added to the emotion of the show. I would love to see it again if I could. As soon as I got home I bought the script. I cannot wait to read it and if I can't pull any monologues from it, you bet I'll at least do a scene from it at school if not try to mount a full production. I haven't genuinely loved a play in a long time (other than Legacy of Light at Barksdale). This spoke to me as a true Charlie Brown lover. Please see it if you're in Richmond this weekend. Go see a production of it should one be mounted near you. It is a play not to be missed.

F*cking Perfect

Oh Valentine's Day. Singles Awareness Day. Whatever you call it, the day is one of the biggest pains in the ass.

When I was in a relationship on Valentine's Day... um, let me count... six years ago in 2005 and five years ago in 2006, it was a pain. I was still in high school, my boyfriend was a freshman (2005) slash college drop out. So my schedule was nuts that day. I'm sure I also had choir and musical stuff both years. We could never get our schedules to match, and when we did, neither of us had the money to do anything other than what we always did: sit in my house/his house and hang out. There's so much pressure to do these romantic things, and he was definitely not into it. I tried to be way into it, but I met a lot of resistance. Trying to please that douche... okay nevermind, I'm not going there haha.

Okay well that means for the past five, count 'em FIVE, February 14ths, I've been single. Yeah. In college we'd dress in our finest blacks and go to the Chinese buffet for our annual Singles Dinner. No couples allowed whatsoever. Well this year I don't have the Singles Dinner, and I'm bummed. I am, though, going to see "Burlesque" with my roommate at the Byrd tonight. So yeah, it's still Singles Night. Seeing everyone talking about their significant others on Facebook and in person is giving me a headache. So is the "Love Yourself" bullshit propaganda being spread around (by people NOT single, might I add). This day is ridiculous. Yes I have love with my friends and family, blah blah blah. Only those in denial kid themselves with platonic love or family love. I have those, yes, but this isn't Thanksgiving. It's a romantic love holiday that's complete crap. And yes, I'm bitter and single. I have a right to be bitter, damn it. Haha.

So for today, I'll wait for the mail to see if I got my Netflix ("Breakfast at Tiffany's") and/or a letter from AMDA. What a day to have off and not be in a relationship. Vomit.

Oh You Fancy

Hello blogosphere! I'm trying to be more positive in my blog. Also, I'm trying to relate the titles more to the entries. Let's see how I do.

Well happy Friday, everyone! Today I will be discussing a topic that has been buzzing on my mind lately. As you know, I have been living in Richmond since June. I started out in my normal digs in the West End before relocating closer to the city. My job also did the same. Well, I've noticed something about me... I think I'm becoming one of those trendy Richmond kids. I'm about two flannel shirts away from being a hipster. Let me explain those things that make me a trendy Richmond kid:

Clothing

Okay, okay. So I've been on a great effort to lose weight. After I went from 204 to 196, I was ecstatic. My weight always fluctuates, but it's been fluctuating between 200 and 210 instead of my usual 190 and 200. So being below 200 made me jump for joy. So what did I do to celebrate? I bought new jeans. Not just normal, bootcut jeans... no. I went balls to the wall... and got slim jeans. Now, now! Hear me out. So far all of my jeans have always been typical straight guy jeans: no shape, baggy and loose. Well, I wanted something that fit me better. These jeans are more snug around the leg, and I feel a lot better wearing these jeans. So yes. I bought skinny jeans. They go great when I wear my brown shoes and green Italy jacket. I feel so trendy, haha.

Work

Working for a Fortune-500 company is so 2000s. It's all about the nonprofit. Yes, I work for a nonprofit. A nonprofit theater company at that, too. An arts company that's not for profit in Richmond, VA. Can it get any trendier than that? I work shows, I help put up shows and it's a grand time. AND it's downtown! Also, since I'm only an intern, I work a lot of odd jobs to get extra money. I've done a commercial and judged a Forensics competition. Go me!

Coffee Shop

Honestly, I've been to Starbucks once in over eight months, and that was on the way to Penn State. It's all about local coffee shops, and I've found mine. It's called Lift, and it's a block away from my office. I'm not big on coffee, but when I get my Chocolate Covered Cherry Mocha, it's like Heaven in a recycled cup. They have the best food they make on the spot, and they sell beer and wine. I'm not talking Bud Light and Arbor Mist. They sell trendy beers and wines you wouldn't find at Food Lion. I love Lift, and they have Happy Hour. Hello? 1/2 price drip coffee and BOGO pastries. Yes, I'm sold.

My House

Without going into super detail (because you know... stalking is so 2000s as well), my house screams of old Richmond. The way it's build with hardwood floors and our creepy garage says my house was built in the 60s or 70s and was a poster house for Richmond dwellings at the time. If you've been to my house, you know what I mean. Trendy Richmond house ftw.

My Car

Ford Escort, 2000, name is Betty White. I got into a fender bender, so she's a little ghetto right now. The hood won't close all the way, and there's a hole in my bumper, but she runs! I'd say that's Richmond car standards right there.

Those are the trendy things I can think of now. Here's a small list, though, of what's holding me back from being a true hipster Richmonder:

- No piercings

- No tattoos

- No grungy beard

- No flannel

- No boots

- No bike

- I don't smoke

- I don't wear glasses... or personality glasses

Okay so not all hipster kids are 100% what I just described... but let's face it... that's Richmond for ya! What makes you trendy? We're all a little trendy in one way or another :)

Dream a Little Dream of Me

I think I have a motivation problem. For some reason I cannot find the motivation to succeed at certain jobs. I love having a job, but certain jobs I've had serious issues finding the motivation to do beyond the realm of my job. With CAB, I enjoyed it and all, but the motivation to go above and beyond was lacking. Pretty much every job except Crew Leading and Res Life have been the same. So that makes me wonder if I refuse to be motivated or if it is a problem. I love working at the company I'm with right now. Parts of my job, though, I think are absolutely ridiculous. I'd never do this full time. After this year, I will never be a full time House Manager like I currently am. I'm an actor, not a glorified janitor. I enjoy the office support side... but I barely do that because I'm so wrapped up in a part of my job that was added last minute when I was hired. Finding merchandise to sell at shows is not something I find ideal, either. I think it's overkill, especially when it comes to things you knowingly will buy for a lot cheaper online or in stores. I am just not motivated, and that's a problem. I want to be motivated. I really, really do. I like having this job. I think I'm still dealing with the shock of not being in school. I don't think I'm dealing with it too well, haha. Going away these past two weekends has really made me reevaluate my entire life and where I want to be in the next six months. You should know, I write about it all the damn time, haha.

The main thing about my job now that bothers me is the lack of focus. I'm okay with going to help production from time to time painting and constructing. But my job, the job for which I was hired, has a lack of focus. I'm given several projects to do at once, and none of it has to do with anything else. I'm given responsibilities, but then I'm micromanaged or babysat the whole time when I'm capable of being in control of some things on my own. This is why I want to go back to school for a Masters in Higher Education. I liked the way I was treated as an RA, an FDA and an Orientation Leader. I love student affairs, and it's the job that I want. Career-wise, though, I belong on stage. I want to mix those two things together in my life. I must say that I love my job, I love the people and I love being here again. I'm not ungrateful for this job. I could be working retail still, living at home. I just need focus. I'm too ADD to not have focus.

I need New York. That's what I need.

I Can't Decide

This past weekend was one to remember... well, one to attempt to remember anyway.

I spent the weekend in State College, PA, home to Penn State. I went to visit Andrew, and this trip turned into something much more than a simple visit. I got to see some old friends, meet some new ones and have three days worth of ridiculousness. It made me realize something that Ashleigh Lamma and I have been talking about for a long time now: I feel like I'm wasting my time. This past few months have been killer. I've been doing everything for other people. I've let my talent go unknown, and I've neglected those I love. Going to Penn State made me very envious of everyone having so much fun every weekend with their friends. All I do is work, go to the gym, go home. I'm 22, single and now living with three other people (my roommate Kelly, her sister and her sis's boyfriend). I'm in the city in which I lived from ages 4-18 full time and 18-22 part time. My friends are not here, and what am I doing? Nothing.

Well that's changing. I'm doing things for me for these next few months. I have to do this or I'll go crazy. I'm auditioning for shows and AMDA. I'm probably going to get out of RVA next year regardless of a job/school. I need out and I need to not live here anymore. It's my past. I can't live in the present when I'm literally living in my past. How do people live in the same towns in which they grew up? It's too familiar. I can't do that. I'm itching to get out. I NEED TO GET OUT! Haha. Luckily this weekend is a double dose of outage. I'm going to Harrisonburg for a night and DC for a night. Then SUNDAY is my AMDA audition. I really want it. It means I'll be in NYC doing what I love. I. need. this. Mmkay? Mmkay! :D

Every Morning

I keep coming to this page and then leaving. I thought of something to discuss briefly, though. We'll see how brief it turns out.

I was at rehearsal last night, and I realized I have a huge crush on one of my cast mates. He's smart, has a good job, funny and talented. The only problem (of course): he's been with his partner for over 15 years (he's mid-to-late 30s... so not that old, freakazoids). At one point I imagined a Mean Girls situation where Aaron breaks up with Regina and doesn't immediately ask Cady out. I thought about that. So I'm stupid. Backing up a week, though, I had another incident involving this. I went to my high school's winter choral concert, and I ran into a girl from high school who I pretty much fell in love with but dating someone else because I was stupid and clueless. Well, she's the one girl for whom I'd drop everything. If I could picture myself with one person at this point in my life, it'd be here. Well, of course I was left very crushed and apathetic when she told me she has a boyfriend and once she graduates, she's pretty much going to pick up her life and move around with him to a different part of the country for his job. Great, great. No, of course I didn't expect her to be single, she's a gorgeous girl who is amazing. I was still just a little jaded, though.

So after these two incidents, I realized something: I tend to like other people who I know are emotionally unavailable. They always have significant others or are pursuing other relationships. Why is this, I wonder? As I overlooked the lights of RVA on my way home, I came the conclusion that I'm afraid of commitment. I am a stereotypical male. I don't want to be tied down to just one person. Really? That's all I've ever wanted, but my subconscious is telling me otherwise. Lately I think it's because I've seen what it does to people. It takes them completely out of their own worlds. People take jobs they don't want just, stay stuck in places they wanted to run from, shut out their friends and create this whole new world where the past is forgotten and ignored. Okay, well I try to ignore some things in my past, but never people. Am I just too young still? I am in a selfish point of my life. I need to do things for me. I can't not move to New York because I have someone in Virginia. If they loved me, they'd either move with me or support a long distance relationship. I'd never expect someone to give up any part of their life just for me. If I was dating an actor, and he/she got a big break in LA, I'd be so happy for them, but I wouldn't pick my life up and head out there without a plan or a want. I guess I'm just not ready to give up 90% of my dreams just for the 10% that remains.

A lot of this has to do with my best friend, Jackie. Ever since we met, she's been dating someone. She's a big serial dater. She was never single for more than a month or two it seemed. The only time our dating lives overlapped was during the stint I dated Dave and she dated Cara. Other than that, single me has been the best friend who has to be friends with her significant other, regardless of how bat shit crazy they may be. I saw her always giving up little pieces of herself for these people. It's funny how she would criticize my friend Tyler for packing up his life for his boyfriends and lose contact with friends when she tends to do the same. I just now realize how similar they really are and how they've chosen to ignore this in themselves. Anyways, I've seen this happen, and I cannot do it. I simply cannot. I haven't seen her in months. I mean, I haven't tried to visit her yet (usually whenever we plan on me visiting, we have to cancel)... but I'm the type of person who goes all over the state just to visit people without the return thought. Am I just completely wrong in my thoughts? If anyone reads this, are you willing at this point in your life to give up things for a girl or a boy? Can you honestly say you'd be willing to compromise your aspirations and dreams for another person right now?

I cannot. I'm 22, almost 23. I've spent too much time compromising myself for others as it is. It was called being an RA and a theater major. Right now I have to focus on my career. I know I can do it. I know it. I knew this wouldn't be brief haha. Happy New Year!

Safety Dance

Okay so I'm not watching Donnie Darko right now... maybe tomorrow. I'm actually watching Season 1 of Glee currently. But okay. 2010 YEAR IN REVIEW!

January

After a bittersweet party, we rang in 2010 like the beast it was. I remember going back to RA training and as soon as school started, BOOM. My last semester started out crazy. I do remember making my first musical in college. Well, at college! Whorehouse was crazy busy, but I got to be an RA and an actor like I wanted. At the time, I thought I was moving to DC in the summer. Nope. Haha.

February

Whorehouse finally opened after a whirlwind four week rehearsal process. February was just a lot of Whorehouse and getting ready for SPRING BREAK. Yeah just a lot of being busy.

March

NEW YORK! I went to New York with Ashleigh Lamma, and it was the BEST TRIP EVER! So many personal memories and inside jokes/stories. next to normal was an amazing show, and the trip over all was fantastic. There was a fling at school, yeah it didn't work out. St. Patrick's Day... didn't work out. March started out great... but apparently I was very emotional during that month haha.

April

April marked the end of college for me. I was very nostalgic. I spent a lot of the time looking back on the past four years and high school as well. Finals week was rough... not going to lie. KDR Formal was the best EVER! Retreat... didn't work out haha. School ended... it was my last Spring Fest. April was a mess of a month because it was all over.

May

GRADUATION! May was probably the most boring month EVER. Summer RA left a lot of time to do things. We went to the beach a lot. I watched and bitched about Glee a lot, haha. Yeah. May was uneventful.

June

Now June... June, I quit Summer RA and moved back to Richmond. I started one of the STUPIDEST jobs ever. I was pretty lost. June was definitely not a good month. Lots of drama.

July

I visited CNU for the 4th of July. I continued working at my lame job. I applied for Barksdale. I started Pippin.

August

Okay, this month was a little more exciting than June and July. I moved into my new house. I LOVE IT. It's had ups and downs, but mostly it's been great. I also got the job with Barksdale. Peace out, stupid Mondial job. I saw my lover Adam Lambert in concert. I visited CNU again on my bday weekend. Pippin was my life, and I loved it.

September

The Barksdale job started. Pippin was running. I made the lead in the next show at Fort Lee, The Boy Friend. September was a good month, nothing too exciting.

October

I started the part of my job I hate... House Managing. Shipwrecked! wasn't too bad. It was 90 minutes. HALLOWEEN was sick. It was Homecoming and Halloween weekend at the same time, so you know debauchery was going on left and right. I loved every minute of that weekend.

November

The Boy Friend was running, and the bane of my existence since November 19th opened... White Christmas. It's ending soon, and I could cry tears of joy. Thanksgiving was okay! I got to see Justin, Lisa and Jake! Hooray!

December

December was a little more blah. I needed a break, but now that I'm not in school... no break. White Christmas is killing me. I have no time to make personal relationships with anyone, and a lot of my friendships suffer. Christmas was pretty great, though. NEW YEARS EVE WAS THE BEST IT HAS EVER BEEN.

So yeah, this year kind of trailed off at the end into blah. I just work all the time, really. I don't want to discuss that every single time. BUT WHITE CHRISTMAS ENDS ON SUNDAY. Best day ever. I'm so over it. :D Happy 2011!