Till the World Ends

Today I have decided to get my life back together. It seemed to veer off track these past two weeks with being careless with my money, driving to visit friends out of town (wasting a LOT of gas) and not exercising. I need to get back into a routine that is healthy. So today! Today is the day I take my life back into my own hands. I revisited my budget for April. This means I actually redid my budget for April. I'm coming out with not a lot of money after bills are paid, but I have money set aside for New York and for my savings account. I'm going to be strict with myself and my purchases. This probably means no going out as much as I'd like until my income from Hello, Dolly! starts rolling in. This definitely means after KDR and ASA Formals this weekend, no big trips until New York to find an apartment. This absolutely means no frivolous purchases with my own money (luckily I turned in some rewards points for an Amazon gift card to get the Britney CD and the new Warblers from GLEE CD). This means mapping out when I drive to rehearsal so I can save on gas as much as possible. So from now until I go to New York, I'm going to take my life back and do a daily Twitter update with what my way of taking my life back will be. I'll post them in my blog weekly. Today's, just to kick things off, is:

Day #1: No McDonald's before/after rehearsal

Instead of awful fast food, I need to think about what I'm eating. I chose Subway over Taco Bell and McDonald's today. I already feel a lot better. It also helps that I took my vitamin after a few weeks without it, but that's for tomorrow's update. I want to be specific as possible with what I do, so we'll see how this goes! :)

Have a Little Faith in Me

I was going to write about my emotional roller coaster weekend. Instead, I'll just focus on this past week (including the weekend) without all the same mumbo jumbo I always write. This blog is about three days in the making by the way haha

Harrisonburg was a blast. Friday through Sunday this time instead of one night. Lots of debauchery and blurry memories. Yeah, it was a typical night in the 'burg with Tyler and company. Right after this whirlwind trip, I drove right into Fredericksburg for rehearsal! I'm finally doing a PAYING show. It's magnificent. It's not the best money in the world, but hey. It's a paying show. Finally. I'm in the ensemble, which is totally okay since there's a lot of dancing, and Sally Struthers is Dolly. Hilarious. I'm stoked.

The only problem is this week has been exhausting. I haven't been sleeping too well. I haven't been eating well at all. I've missed the gym because I'm just so damn tired all the time. I went out last night, had a blast, but I'm paying for it. So sleepy! I'm getting ready to go down to CNU to see GloZell tonight, and I work until late tomorrow... and I have rehearsal Sunday night. So there's no sleep to be had this week. Hopefully I can catch up with the gym though?

Here's a new segment I'm calling RVA to NYC!

So so far I've saved $400 specifically for NYC. That's... half one month's rent haha. I hope to have at least $1000 when I move up with more money coming as I get a job up there until school starts. Ashleigh already agreed to help out most of our finances for a few months until we get settled. Pretty much as soon as Hello, Dolly! ends, we'll be making the leap! It's going to be amazing. I can't wait!

Blackbird

Being in my parents' house gives me insomnia.

Kurt: Why did you pick me to sing that song with?

Blaine: Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, "Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever."Watching you do "Blackbird:" this week... that was the moment for me about you. You move me, Kurt, and this duet would be an excuse to spend more time with you.

Thanks Glee for continuing to throw it in my face how single and hopeless I am when it comes to my own love life, haha. If you didn't see the "Original Songs" episode of Glee... you missed an amazing moment for Klaine fans (Kurt and Blaine). They finally got together. Fox even allowed two men to kiss! Shocking! Anyways, Ashleigh and I continued to pine away for Blaine (even though more recently I've been pining after Brittany and Santana). It makes me feel utterly hopeless. Here I am, ogling over some fictional character whose actor is straight in real life. I guess I should be ogling over the writers because Blaine's words were beautiful. Side note, Kurt's dad's speech the other week was brilliant as well. I wish my father gave me the sex talk that way. Anyways, Blaine. Men like him may exist, but 90% of them are fictional characters.

All of this reminds me of something my mom asked me recently. She asked me how I was doing. Vague questions get vague answers. I told her I was fine, just really busy with work and stressed about life as usual. Then she asked me if I liked anyone. I haven't been asked that by her since high school. I told her my typical cop out answer. "I'm too busy for a relationship." Then what she said next really broke my heart. "I just worry about you. I don't want you to be alone. I want someone to take care of you." That was probably the most amazing thing she has ever said to me. Now it's not advice she gave me or anything, but it was so thought provoking for one thing. It also showed that she does think about me in the ways I choose to ignore publicly. She knows I'm alone and have been for a long time. It really made me think about my life and everything. I'm at the point in my life, though, where I don't know what I want. I know I've put myself last for years, and I'm finally to the point where I just need to do what is best for me. Hence why I auditioned for Hello, Dolly! in Fredericksburg. I'm moving to New York in four months, so starting a relationship in Virginia would be pointless (I can't deal with long distance). I just don't know. I need to start over in New York. This is such a tough thing for me to deal with since I've spent so much time ignoring the issue. My mom is worried about me finding someone. That speaks so loudly to me. My dad could care less, as long as I'm in a job he thinks is worthy of his praise. Fuck him. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyways, again I know I discuss this a lot. It's such a prevalent issue, though. Okay I guess I should try to sleep. Whoo hoo.

EDIT:

So sleep obviously isn't happening, so I'm rereading blog entries from last year. Turns out my mom asked me the same question and posed the same worry last June when I was still living at CNU for the summer. Hmm, maybe that's telling me something huge...

Linus and Lucy

I had an entry started about me going to New York. Well I don't want to write about that anymore, but just know that I'm going to AMDA in NYC in October. I'm peeing myself with excitement.

What I do want to write about, though, is Charlie Brown. Why, you ask? Well, you obviously don't know me. Saying I love Charlie Brown is an understatement. I'm obsessed. Hell, I have related to Charlie Brown since I was his age. I have seen A Charlie Brown Christmas every since Christmas since I was born many times a year. I have three stuffed Snoopys, a Charlie Brown that shivers and plays "Linus and Lucy," a place mat on my desk, a Snoopy flag on my wall, a Lucy and Charlie Brown salt and pepper shaker set, and a lot more. I'm clearly insane with love for the Peanuts gang. Obsessed. My first tattoo is going to be Snoopy with Woodstock hovering over him (I was going to get Charlie Brown, but I figured since I am Charlie Brown it'd be nice to have my best friend looking over me). So yeah I know a thing or two about Chuck and the gang.

Well, last night I went to see Firehouse Theatre Project's production of Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead by Bert V. Royal (Easy A). Without giving anything away, this play asks what would happen if our favorite characters were taken from the pages of the newspaper and put into high school? How would these characters deal with real world problems such as bullying and personal identity? Charlie Brown is now CB, a young man dealing with the death of his beloved dog. All of his friends have grown into different clicks (Linus is stoner Van, Lucy is Van's Sister locked up for burning the Little Read Haired Girl's hair off, Marcy and Patty are Mean Girl versions of themselves, Pig Pen is germiphobe and homophobic Matt, and Schroder is outcasted Beethoven).

I went into this production knowing I was going to love it. My friend/co-worker Bryan plays Beethoven, and he's been raving about it for months. Since it has something to do with Charlie Brown, of course I'm going to go in loving it. It was really great to see how these actors connected their characters with characteristics of their comic strip selves while developing them further than print. Each scene fit nicely into a comic strip-esque feel, and nothing felt forced. These characters seemed real while reminding us of their Peanuts past. I found myself laughing at the subtle hints to their past while growing into or searching for their new identities. I found myself crying through CB's struggles with himself and his friends. I found myself sobbing when CB finally got a letter back from his pen pal. I was so touched by this show in so many ways. The show itself was just fantastic, touching and driving. When CB is talking to Van's Sister, he says something about how he wanted to do something, so he did it with no apologizes. Lucy can finally see that CB has broken out of himself and finally become a complex person. I think my love for Charlie Brown really added to the emotion of the show. I would love to see it again if I could. As soon as I got home I bought the script. I cannot wait to read it and if I can't pull any monologues from it, you bet I'll at least do a scene from it at school if not try to mount a full production. I haven't genuinely loved a play in a long time (other than Legacy of Light at Barksdale). This spoke to me as a true Charlie Brown lover. Please see it if you're in Richmond this weekend. Go see a production of it should one be mounted near you. It is a play not to be missed.

F*cking Perfect

Oh Valentine's Day. Singles Awareness Day. Whatever you call it, the day is one of the biggest pains in the ass.

When I was in a relationship on Valentine's Day... um, let me count... six years ago in 2005 and five years ago in 2006, it was a pain. I was still in high school, my boyfriend was a freshman (2005) slash college drop out. So my schedule was nuts that day. I'm sure I also had choir and musical stuff both years. We could never get our schedules to match, and when we did, neither of us had the money to do anything other than what we always did: sit in my house/his house and hang out. There's so much pressure to do these romantic things, and he was definitely not into it. I tried to be way into it, but I met a lot of resistance. Trying to please that douche... okay nevermind, I'm not going there haha.

Okay well that means for the past five, count 'em FIVE, February 14ths, I've been single. Yeah. In college we'd dress in our finest blacks and go to the Chinese buffet for our annual Singles Dinner. No couples allowed whatsoever. Well this year I don't have the Singles Dinner, and I'm bummed. I am, though, going to see "Burlesque" with my roommate at the Byrd tonight. So yeah, it's still Singles Night. Seeing everyone talking about their significant others on Facebook and in person is giving me a headache. So is the "Love Yourself" bullshit propaganda being spread around (by people NOT single, might I add). This day is ridiculous. Yes I have love with my friends and family, blah blah blah. Only those in denial kid themselves with platonic love or family love. I have those, yes, but this isn't Thanksgiving. It's a romantic love holiday that's complete crap. And yes, I'm bitter and single. I have a right to be bitter, damn it. Haha.

So for today, I'll wait for the mail to see if I got my Netflix ("Breakfast at Tiffany's") and/or a letter from AMDA. What a day to have off and not be in a relationship. Vomit.

Oh You Fancy

Hello blogosphere! I'm trying to be more positive in my blog. Also, I'm trying to relate the titles more to the entries. Let's see how I do.

Well happy Friday, everyone! Today I will be discussing a topic that has been buzzing on my mind lately. As you know, I have been living in Richmond since June. I started out in my normal digs in the West End before relocating closer to the city. My job also did the same. Well, I've noticed something about me... I think I'm becoming one of those trendy Richmond kids. I'm about two flannel shirts away from being a hipster. Let me explain those things that make me a trendy Richmond kid:

Clothing

Okay, okay. So I've been on a great effort to lose weight. After I went from 204 to 196, I was ecstatic. My weight always fluctuates, but it's been fluctuating between 200 and 210 instead of my usual 190 and 200. So being below 200 made me jump for joy. So what did I do to celebrate? I bought new jeans. Not just normal, bootcut jeans... no. I went balls to the wall... and got slim jeans. Now, now! Hear me out. So far all of my jeans have always been typical straight guy jeans: no shape, baggy and loose. Well, I wanted something that fit me better. These jeans are more snug around the leg, and I feel a lot better wearing these jeans. So yes. I bought skinny jeans. They go great when I wear my brown shoes and green Italy jacket. I feel so trendy, haha.

Work

Working for a Fortune-500 company is so 2000s. It's all about the nonprofit. Yes, I work for a nonprofit. A nonprofit theater company at that, too. An arts company that's not for profit in Richmond, VA. Can it get any trendier than that? I work shows, I help put up shows and it's a grand time. AND it's downtown! Also, since I'm only an intern, I work a lot of odd jobs to get extra money. I've done a commercial and judged a Forensics competition. Go me!

Coffee Shop

Honestly, I've been to Starbucks once in over eight months, and that was on the way to Penn State. It's all about local coffee shops, and I've found mine. It's called Lift, and it's a block away from my office. I'm not big on coffee, but when I get my Chocolate Covered Cherry Mocha, it's like Heaven in a recycled cup. They have the best food they make on the spot, and they sell beer and wine. I'm not talking Bud Light and Arbor Mist. They sell trendy beers and wines you wouldn't find at Food Lion. I love Lift, and they have Happy Hour. Hello? 1/2 price drip coffee and BOGO pastries. Yes, I'm sold.

My House

Without going into super detail (because you know... stalking is so 2000s as well), my house screams of old Richmond. The way it's build with hardwood floors and our creepy garage says my house was built in the 60s or 70s and was a poster house for Richmond dwellings at the time. If you've been to my house, you know what I mean. Trendy Richmond house ftw.

My Car

Ford Escort, 2000, name is Betty White. I got into a fender bender, so she's a little ghetto right now. The hood won't close all the way, and there's a hole in my bumper, but she runs! I'd say that's Richmond car standards right there.

Those are the trendy things I can think of now. Here's a small list, though, of what's holding me back from being a true hipster Richmonder:

- No piercings

- No tattoos

- No grungy beard

- No flannel

- No boots

- No bike

- I don't smoke

- I don't wear glasses... or personality glasses

Okay so not all hipster kids are 100% what I just described... but let's face it... that's Richmond for ya! What makes you trendy? We're all a little trendy in one way or another :)

Dream a Little Dream of Me

I think I have a motivation problem. For some reason I cannot find the motivation to succeed at certain jobs. I love having a job, but certain jobs I've had serious issues finding the motivation to do beyond the realm of my job. With CAB, I enjoyed it and all, but the motivation to go above and beyond was lacking. Pretty much every job except Crew Leading and Res Life have been the same. So that makes me wonder if I refuse to be motivated or if it is a problem. I love working at the company I'm with right now. Parts of my job, though, I think are absolutely ridiculous. I'd never do this full time. After this year, I will never be a full time House Manager like I currently am. I'm an actor, not a glorified janitor. I enjoy the office support side... but I barely do that because I'm so wrapped up in a part of my job that was added last minute when I was hired. Finding merchandise to sell at shows is not something I find ideal, either. I think it's overkill, especially when it comes to things you knowingly will buy for a lot cheaper online or in stores. I am just not motivated, and that's a problem. I want to be motivated. I really, really do. I like having this job. I think I'm still dealing with the shock of not being in school. I don't think I'm dealing with it too well, haha. Going away these past two weekends has really made me reevaluate my entire life and where I want to be in the next six months. You should know, I write about it all the damn time, haha.

The main thing about my job now that bothers me is the lack of focus. I'm okay with going to help production from time to time painting and constructing. But my job, the job for which I was hired, has a lack of focus. I'm given several projects to do at once, and none of it has to do with anything else. I'm given responsibilities, but then I'm micromanaged or babysat the whole time when I'm capable of being in control of some things on my own. This is why I want to go back to school for a Masters in Higher Education. I liked the way I was treated as an RA, an FDA and an Orientation Leader. I love student affairs, and it's the job that I want. Career-wise, though, I belong on stage. I want to mix those two things together in my life. I must say that I love my job, I love the people and I love being here again. I'm not ungrateful for this job. I could be working retail still, living at home. I just need focus. I'm too ADD to not have focus.

I need New York. That's what I need.